A few weeks ago, at my wits' end, I was practically crying in my husband's arms after a long day at home with the heathen horde. "Why are they so disrespectful?! Why does it take me saying something ten times to get them to even listen, and why do I have to yell to get results?! What is wrong with the children?"
Jesse just patted my back and said that things will be okay and we'll just continue to pray for God to help change the kids' characters. And it helped, knowing he was here for me.
Flash forward to yesterday, Sunday, at church. We've been going to a parenting and discipline class in Sunday school. The discussion was Anger vs. Action. It was in this class that God smacked me in the head.
Part of the class is watching a video clip from Dr. James Dobson's "Focus on the Family" parenting series. The scenario in the acted example on the screen hit home. The mother, issuing empty orders to her child to put away the toys, get ready for bath time, bed time is near, and then going back to whatever she was doing while the child ignored her really hit home for me. Because it's the same one-act play played out every day, all day in this house.
Part of the class is watching a video clip from Dr. James Dobson's "Focus on the Family" parenting series. The scenario in the acted example on the screen hit home. The mother, issuing empty orders to her child to put away the toys, get ready for bath time, bed time is near, and then going back to whatever she was doing while the child ignored her really hit home for me. Because it's the same one-act play played out every day, all day in this house.
I've joked that my instructions to the children are not even considered valid by them until I've
And yet, I tell them once again, and then again, to do what I said.
Well, back to the God-smack.
I realized in class that there was ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH MY CHILDREN.
They are behaving exactly as I've trained them. The problem is ME. I've conditioned them to not listen to me, even when I get angry, and yell, and YELL and threaten and have my own blow-ups.
Anger isn't parenting. Parenting is action. That's what finally clicked with me. I can't discipline my children when I am out of control in my own personal realm of irritation and frustration.
James 1:19-20 (NIV) reads: "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires."
It was easy to think that there was something "wrong" with the character of my children, when in fact, the problem was in my parenting. I have been angry for a very long time. And not righteous anger like Jesus dealing with the moneychangers in the temple. Angry at the nerve of my children to disobey and disrespect ME, and how dare they do this to ME?
I've been yelling empty demands that only invite disobedience, not saying what I mean with a cool head and thoughtfulness. And definitely NOT following up my instructions with actions quickly.
So, where are you? Are you in the same place I find myself? Feeling out of control with disobedient and defiant children? I would encourage you to humbly pray and ask God to show you how YOU can change YOUR parenting. Hey, maybe you're great at this parenting thing. This tirade probably isn't for you, and thanks for reading. But it was a soul-changing moment when I realized that I have to parent my children, discipline and train my children, in a thoughtful, on-purpose, and ACTIVE way.
No more issuing empty orders three to ten times. It means taking time to not get agitated that they are detracting from the things that I want to accomplish, and instead, focusing on my own action to train them properly.
Less anger, less yelling, and a lot more action.
Oh, and lots of prayer. That too.
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