In My Own Skin

Confession:  I weigh thirty-six pounds more than I did when I graduated high school nearly twenty (gasp) years ago, and twenty pounds more than when I got married.  Somewhere in the middle was my "ideal" weight, where I was more than comfortable in my own skin.  And hey, I was in the Marines at the time, so I was pretty much in peak physical condition.

Over the last 14 years of marriage I've added a few pounds and five children to my life.  I bear the scars and varicose veins from growing people, and I harbor more than a few doubts about my self-image.

How can my husband still find me attractive?  (He does, and lets me know it quite frequently.)  Is it even possible to get back down to that "ideal" weight?  Should I even try to get there, or should I just be happy with the way that am?

I have young girls growing into young ladies, and I want them to have a healthy self-image that doesn't focus on weight, but on health.  At eleven, my oldest has already had friends picking on her about her weight.  It's devastating to her to have a friend say that she looks pregnant.  It's devastating to me as her mother to have to console her and try to nurture a health vs. weight attitude when I have a hard time with it on a daily basis.

Many of my friends are on a life-changing journey to change their body image and get healthy.  I applaud them, truly!  They have great willpower and dedication and are an inspiration to many people.

One day I'll get there.  For now, I've arranged a thirty minute slot in the day for exercise, and I'm eating less junk and more good stuff.  I'm trying to eat treats in moderation, but I have a horrible monster of a sweet tooth.

But the questions remain, the ones I mentioned up there at the beginning.  What are the answers?  They may not be correct, but these are the conclusions that I've come to in thinking and praying on this.

I have wrinkles on my face, but it just means that I laugh and smile a lot.

My arms are a little flabbier than I'd like, but they can pick up babies and hug children.  My arms may not be as trim as I'd like, but they snuggle my little ones tight to my chest.

Speaking of chest, my "girls" sag a little.  I don't look like 23-year old me anymore.  But my breasts have suckled five beautiful children for varying amounts of time.

My stomach ... well, it's kind of chubby.  A lot chubby, and it's my least favorite part of my body.  There are scars covering the entire part of my abdomen and then some.  But I got those scars carrying five sweet babies in my body, and I love every line and wrinkle.  They are my battle scars.

The rear end is a little on the wide side.  That's okay.  My husband really likes it.  He tells me so.

I have chicken legs.  Always have and I always will.  But my legs let me chase giggly children around the house, carry me around so that I can do my work and get me where I need to go.

How many times day do I thank the Lord that I have hands and feet, eyes and ears, arms and legs?  Yeah, they're not in perfect condition.  And yes, I know I could put forth the extra effort and in a couple of years get back to prime  physical condition.  But at this point in my life, I need -- NEED -- to be content with what I've got.  It's a spiritual thing for me.  When I get there, I'll work on the physical even more than I am already.

But for me, and my daughters, I want to be comfortable in my own skin.  I'm getting there.

More Storage!

For months it's felt like my kitchen cabinets were shrinking.  Junk was being left out on counters and we were wedging things into the upper cabinets and lazy Susan with desperation.  I've been on the hunt to find a shelf unit that I could use as additional pantry-type storage.  After scouring CraigsList, rummage sales and Goodwill to no avail, I finally settled on paying for a new one at Target.  This one was $99, but totally worth it already.

While I was rearranging things to fit on the new shelf, I was also wondering how I could get rid of the half-empty boxes of pasta and oatmeal cluttering my cabinets.  This was what I came up with.

Half-gallon sized Mason jars do the trick nicely, and look pretty too.

When Technology Fails ...

... my blog suffers.

After we got home from vacation, our computer updated itself and then promptly committed suicide.  Thankfully we had a spare down in the basement, one I had termed the "Frankenstein Computer" since it's a conglomeration of stuff Jesse had piled into the housing.  He's tech savvy ... I'm not.

But a couple weeks ago, the USB port on the backup computer decided it didn't like talking to the cable on my camera.  Therefore, no pictures can be downloaded at this time.

I usually like to put pics in the blog posts to keep it exciting.  Adventurous.  Entertaining.  Now you just get to listen to me ramble until I get the problem solved.

Bwahahaha!

So, that's just a quick update where I am and why I haven't updated in a little while.  I know you were on pins and needles.

Smooth as BUTTA!

This girl took her crunch to a whole new level today.

We started buying our milk from a local farm, Bear Creek Acres in Embarrass, a couple Sundays ago.  The milk is great, and is from happy, pasture fed cows.  But what to do with the cream that rises to the top of this very rich milk?

When I picked up the milk a couple days ago, the owner Mary Ann asked me if I had made butter yet.  See, I've been looking at churns online, thinking that was the only way to make butter.

Nope!

You can make it in a blender, and it takes about ten minutes.  Seriously.  So today, I made real butter from real cream from real cows that live real close by.

Crunchy!

Well, more creamy, but still "crunchy".  Here's the tutorial that helped me.

The picture above shows my trial run.  Made a cute little butter ball.  The second run filled that coffee cup all the way to the top.

Sugar Battle, Week One

Week One of the Battle Against Sugar is done.  The first three days were the hardest.  After that, I started feeling less like an addict craving her junk, and more like I had a bad habit to break.  By the end of the week, I felt great, and had little, to no, cravings for sugar to speak of.

And then ... it was my birthday.  And with birthday, comes cake.  Yes, I allowed myself birthday cake.  I kept telling myself it was a one-day treat, and I would not have follow up sweets the next day.

But the next day was our anniversary.  We went out to eat and I had a big piece of chocolate cake after the dinner.  Surprisingly, I am not craving sugar this morning.  I thought after two days in a row of eating the Sweet Stuff that I would be back to square one.  But I think I may have kicked the addiction part to the curb, for the time being.

Now, for the low down on observations this past week.  I noticed the first three days how irritable I was, and how much I NEEDED a sugar fix.  That perceived need took up a lot of mental energy to beat down, but with lots of prayer and willpower I did it.  Yay me!

After that, I began to notice that I had more energy and seemed more rested, despite not having slept well due to cranky and sick toddlers.  Strangely enough, I noticed that I didn't sweat as much, and it wasn't nearly as stinky.  Yeah, you're welcome for that little bit of knowledge.  Carry it with you always.  My own scientific explanation is that my body's pH was changing, and I was less acidic overall.  At the end of the sixth day, I noticed that I hadn't been having headaches or migraines.

The day after my birthday cake indulgence, which was yesterday, I woke up with a headache.  It didn't last long, but it was there.  And this morning when I woke, the day after a big ole hunk of chocolate cake was consumed, I awoke with another headache, this one much worse.

So today it's back to cleaner eating, with no added sugar and trying to stay away from the "white" stuff.  It's hard giving up the sweets that I love, but I know it's better for me and the tadpole I'm growing, and for my overall health.

I know that after 30+ years of eating a sugar-filled diet, if I can quit, you can too.  So take heart ... it ain't easy, but it can be done.

Addicted

I hear that acknowledging a problem is the beginning.  So here goes: I am completely addicted to sugar.  I used to laugh about it, but I am finding out how very serious a sugar addiction can be.

Parents and relatives used to tell me (some still do) that I had Coca Cola in my baby bottles.  It was nothing for me to eat sugar three times a day, for each meal, and for snack time too.  In my later teens and early twenties, I loved going to Shipley's Donuts, loading up with three chocolate glazed and chasing them with a bottle of chocolate milk.

And so on and so forth, until today.  I still feel the need to eat sugar, all the time, every day.  Cookies, soft drinks, you name it. 

However, I've been doing a lot of research into the foods we eat and the foods that I prepare for my family.  Many of the things that we have been taught are okay or even best for us, like vegetable and canola oil, are actually very harmful.  "Enriched" flour is anything but enriched in a good way.  Even the mainstream dairy that we buy in the stores is chock full of bad.

Sugar, however, is one of the major bad guys.  Not only does it add to the waist line and throw our insulin levels way out of whack, but it also feeds certain cancers and inflames our blood vessels catastrophically.

I wanted to share some of the research that I've done with you.  Here are some links to sites with good information.  Some of it you won't believe.  Some you won't WANT to believe.  We can't keep digesting what the government, USDA and FDA tell us are healthy.  Heck, the food pyramid established half a century ago was created by a panel of government officials and no doctors present or consulted.


What Really Causes Heart Disease

Benefits of Eating Grass-Fed Beef and Dairy Products

Too Much Sugar Increases Heart Risks

Dr. Mercola Explains the 76 Dangers of Sugar

Why You Should Never Eat Vegetable Oils or Margarine Again

"Enriched" Flour Does Not Enrich Your Life

The 15 Grossest Things You Are Eating

These are just some of the articles that I've read lately.  I know I risk sounding like a fanatic, but it seems like we should be looking into what goes into our bodies and not just trusting big industry on what they put in or take out of our food.

This mama is taking a stand to overcome my sugar addiction and to not let my family follow my previous example. 

But so far, it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to tackle.

And Snow It Begins!

The time is upon us once again, way up here in the Frozen North.  Snow is falling, chimneys are smoking and salty snow-mud is being continuously tracked into the house.

Ah, winter.

Low tonight is 7 degrees.  I'm just happy when it's above zero.  Pretty sure this Texas gal has acclimated to the harsh Minnesota winters.  I can go outside in short sleeves in the 30s, although not for too long.  Long enough to take out the trash or walk the dog.  Cold is below zero, a little chilly is above.  (But I am so thankful for our modern gas furnace that keeps the house warm!)

I actually enjoy shoveling snow.  It gets me outside in the crisp, fresh air and I get a little exercise.  I also get a little peace and quiet, since I normally do this when little ones are napping, or the big girls can watch the little tyrants.

The kids have played in the snow.  And left toys, hats, scarves and mittens in the snow.  Had to do a little rescue mission just this morning on a pair of errant mittens.  Soon, Jesse will take the big girls to Giant's Ridge to learn to use their snowboards.  I like to just sit at home and drink some hot cocoa.

I wonder when we'll see the ground again.  April, May?  I know by then I'll be tired of the white and want to see some green.  But the white stuff suits me just fine now.

Witty Title ... Nope

So, um, yeah.  Been a month since my last post.  Gee.  A lot can happen in a month.  Like this:

Yep, Baby #5 is due June 18th!  Today I am right at 9 weeks along, and things are going great.  We saw a tiny little heartbeat at our six week mark, and we are so excited for our little surprise.

School has been going great.  I moved teaching time to when Isaac is napping, so that I don't have to recover a climbing mountain goat-boy off various tall pieces of furniture or countertops while trying to teach the big kids.  We've gotten into the groove of learning at home, and I must confess to being more relaxed now that I am not so uptight about everything.

Biggest thing is not making school like a brick and mortar school.  We learn traditionally, with books and worksheets.  And we learn hands-on by doing.  The toughest part is not being too relaxed, especially when the morning sickness from #5 drives me to the couch.

Other than school and new baby, life is much the same as it was a month ago.

No real snow yet, although we've had two "dustings".  I both anxiously await and dread the first big snowfall of the year.  If it is like last year's first big snow, it stayed on the ground until May.  And the experts are predicting a year like the last.  Thank God for shovels, salt and snowblowers.

So I bid you adieu from the not-too-frozen Tundra.  Hopefully, I will remember to post more often.  :)

Oh Joy, A New Toy!

Not a toy, really, but something that I've been wanting for a long time.  In the event of widespread catastrophe and the world is without power, I can sew clothing without electricity. 


Once I find a needle, fix the pulley cord and oil it.  

Snow ... Really?!

I guess Old Man Winter is playing an April Fool's joke on northern Minnesota.  It's in the 30s, which is okay, considering our subzero winter temps.  But now fresh snow is decorating my freshly thawed back yard, and I have to admit to being peeved.  


My sister likes to rub it in my face that her garden is sprouting and her kids are swimming in the pool already.  Man, all I want to do is find my front sidewalk under all the snow on the north side of my house.  I wish I had been able to plant some tulips in the fall, because I would be seeing their perty little faces in a few weeks.  I guess for now I'll have to be satisfied with planning our garden and getting ready to build the deck.